The plunge...

Here I am, working on lesson plans after returning from a work-related appointment, trying not too worry too much about my biggest boy, who has now been away at daycare for almost 7.5 hours!! I dropped him off this morning and drove away after making the care providers PROMISE to call if he showed any signs of freakish separation anxiety, sudden onset illness, or general dis-ease. After 2 hours I figured we'd be getting a call, but here it is, almost 4, and not a peep. We did call to check, of course, but I thought we did good hanging in until 1:30 to do that, and he was playing after a nap. A nap! On his first day! A nap without breastfeeding, without Daddy's patented sing-song-rock-rock, without his own bed. DO you think they might have drugged him? Or could it possibly be that he might actually be prepared and ready for this experience? I'm crossing my fingers. If anything defines my sweet buddy, it is that he always delivers far above and beyond my expectations.

As I twiddle my thumbs (er, blog) waiting until the time I can jump in the car and go rescue him, I'm reflecting on how little time we've spent apart. Looking back, I've certainly never spent this much "awake time" away from him. I went shopping for 2 hours around 4 months, but he was napping. Nat and I went out to dinner alone once...yes, once...in June. And over the past month he's hung out with grandparents for a couple hours so Nat and I could get our skiing and snowshoeing in, with a potential nanny for a scream-fest hour, a mommy-friend for a relatively tear-free hour, and with Nat and my friend Paul (manny-in-training) for a couple hours...all preparation for the great experiment that is today. An experiment that will continue next week as I start my own schedule in a new environment. Hopefully I'll adjust as well!

(Those of you without kids are shaking your heads, grinning, and wondering how the hell I turned into such a mushy-mommy who never leaves her baby...maybe someday YOU will get to embrace the insane anxiety coupled with forgotten freedom that accompanies leaving your tiny, impressionable, developing, cutie-pie, person-whom-you'd-prefer-to-spend-time-with-over-pretty-much-anybody-in-earth with relative strangers...then you'll be proud and teary right along with me.)

****Note: Literally the MOMENT I clicked on "publish post", I received a cell phone call that the baby had been crying off an on for nearly an hour, so could I please come and get him half-an-hour early?...I showed up to find him quiet and happy, but his questionable cold had turned to major virus(fever/cough/pflegm city) during the course of his day at daycare. I feel so guilty dropping him off sick! But it is even more amazing that he handled the day so well. I just hope we don't lose points on the responsible parenting tally card by spreading disease all about town.

The Employment Soap Opera Continues...

Apparently playing hard-to-get is a good tactic for securing the precise employment situation I've been asking for for months...now that I've refused two offers the white flag has been raised today and I've been given the offer I'd been looking for all along! Why the heck did we all have to go through the drama, I ask, oh so beseechingly????? At least the drama has bought me more time with baby-grubs. But ignore the last post, because I think I'm FINALLY going back to work. 20 hours/ 3 days a week. And Nat's going to work from home (well, watch Silas and try to work if he'll nap) one day a week, so that means we only need care for two days. Two days seems doable, right? Baby gets time for socialization and learns how to nap without the boob; I get to grow some plants and minds and get the foothold in the garden-education community I've been wanting for years; and Nat gets to hang with his boy-o one-on-one. Win, win, win! I feel pretty good about this. Not that I don't expect tough transitions, some healthy doses of guilt (can you attachment parent if you're not with your kid 3 days a week, Dr. Sears?), and a whole lot of new stress. But aren't we lucky to have such options at our disposal? Nat and I both love the work that we do, and we're able to do it without sacrificing ourselves, our family, or our lifestyle. How many people can say that?

7:48 (Feels like Midnight!)

Nat is already asleep, and Silas has been down since 6. I feel like a party animal waiting around for prime time t.v.! These last weeks have been busy, busy, busy. Childcare visits and interviews, doctor and dentist appointments, dinners with friends, playdates with babies,trials runs with nannies/mannies, meetings with employers, stressful and sleepless nights and days...and it all culminated in a decision last night....drum roll, please...

We cannot afford for me to work! Ironic, isn't it? Ive been working like a crazy person to make it work, and when I'd finally collected enough information to run the numbers, it doesn't make any sense financially or otherwise for me to be away from the baby and the house 4 days a week. I'd be coming home with no energy, little quality time with the babe, and like $40 after all is said and done. How nuts is that???? (If I had less of a nursing brain in my skull I'm sure I could launch into some sort of sociological analysis of the failings of the government to offer no help with childcare, the underestimated value of mother's work, and the failings of the feminist movement...but that mind is tired.)

It is the second time I've had to turn down this organization, but amazingly they aren't phased...a good sign if I do decide to go back when we/Silas are more capable of handling a general (aka: cheaper) daycare situation. And I've learned, yet again, (like graduate school) that sometimes you have to actually try out things to see if they're going to work. But now that it is all said and done, I'm still pretty psyched to be able to justify continuing to coddle and wrestle and spend my (sometimes long, sometimes mind-numbing, but always productive) days with my baby-grubs. (And I've learned that I need to stop saying "yes" before I've stopped to examine who is going to benefit.)

Silas and I celebrated our continued security by hiking in the Marin Headlands under sunny skies today...looking out to the ocean for whales and making up songs (Silas has this habit of humming in sing-song when we walk lately.) It was a perfect day. Who'd want to be working? (even in a garden...)

Back in the thick of it...

Ah, snow. It was nice to finally have a white Christmas (and New Year) again. We made the most of our Eastwardly visits to PA and MA and got out into the wilds as much as we could in between family gatherings and baby colds. Here I am snowshoeing in my big ol' backyard. It was awesome to breath some country air. We welcomed the New Year by standing out in the new snow watching the stars...at 9 pm...and then hit the hay. Parenthood sure changes the evening scene.

We left Boston during record lows and got back in town just minutes before the gale force rains and winds began. So much for sunny California! Been hurrying to line up meetings with potential caregivers, get paperwork in order for new job, get house in shape for serious neglect in the coming months...the order of business is to stay busy as a beaver so as not to concentrate too much on how hard it will be to leave the baby guy. Meanwhile, Nat begins a new round of interviews and hiring for a position for next fall. Transitions afoot!