Baby Blog

**I will post some pictures of the babe here, but in the interest of privacy and safety we have a baby blog which is a bit higher security. If you already know that address, great, (don't link to it, though, or pass it on to weird uncles). If you know me and you want to see the cutie pie, e-mail me and I'll pass on the address.

Sleepy Momma

Baby Silas is here! And I am tired, and in some serious love. It was an amazing experience, and in many ways couldn't have been better. I hope to write about it soon, but right now am just amazed that I have a moment to sit at the computer while daddy sleeps with our heavy feeder!

Oh, you nailbiters...

"Monday's child is fair of face"...and Monday it'll be, via, as Bec calls it, the express train.

In the past three days we've walked all over Napa (I was convinced being that far from home would trigger some good labor), drank gallons of raspberry leaf tea, walked all over Berkeley, swung on swings and squatted daily, took in belly-laughs and spicy salsa at the movies, sweated through Indian lunches and pushed on pressure points as hard as possible... and then had a bummer of a trip to the doctor. Though I'd lost my mucus plug on Thursday and been having tons of contractions all that night, apparently they were just to grow my uterus even bigger, because absolutely no changes had happened otherwise - my cervix (sorry if this is too graphic, pregnancy makes you use these words so easily) and the baby's head were both much higher up in my pelvis then on Tuesday, not lower as they should be, and not thinning or opening any further. This, coupled with other factors, made even my own sweet, balanced OB nervous. She suggested an induction, which we had thought about, but then, when we really worked through the pros and cons, she told us that her experience and gut was telling her that trying to force this kiddo out with drugs and induced labor might be more dangerous than it was worth, and that trying to wait another week for things to kick in when by the look of things he was moving backwards, and since he'd been measuring so big and ahead of schedule the entire pregnancy, would probably not allow us a successful natural birth, either. So we were offered up a c-section. Scheduled with her on Monday at 12:30 pm. No birthing balls and amazing doula, no hot baths and chances to perfect our breathing. We will be mourning the process we'd hoped to have (I'm trying to work through it now and not save it for later...), but more than anything I'm looking forward to celebrating the birthday of my amazing baby, so happy and content with my womb that he has no desire to make a deliberate entrance. Monday it is. For real.

Un-due

The 20th has come and gone, along with an unsuccessful attempt to induce by acupuncture. I was so sure he'd be early! Our doctor, being the sane and balanced person that she is, has overridden the opinions of others on the team and we have until Friday before we'll be asked to seriously consider the possibility that this baby may be too big to risk a natural labor. Since a lot of people get induced after going a week late when they have normally-sized babies, this seems more reasonable to us. And we're still holding out hope that he'll come in the next couple of days. No pressure, or anything...I am officially tired of being pregnant as of today, however!

***Just a note for those fingernail biters, this doesn't mean I'll have a baby on Friday, it means we'll be setting up an appointment for induction or surgery...I know there are a lot of sweet and helpful people chomping at the bit to feed and care for us who also have busy lives to lead, and birth is the least plan-able event I've ever experienced! Thanks for your patience and support, we have no expectations, but appreciate absolutely everything you do!

'til Tuesday

I'm not even going to pretend that there's much on my mind besides this baby's arrival! Two doctor's appointments this week, but both were unsuccessful in their goal of trying to "sweep the membranes" (separating them from the opening of the uterus) and get this party started. I perused an herbal store and spoke to an herbalist about other options for starting labor, but they're not the safest approaches - some herbs can cause heart accelerations and others dehydration and meconium (when the baby poops before coming out), neither of which I want to risk without trusted guidance. So back to spicy food, walking, swinging, and eating things like basil and pineapple (two of my favorite flavors, and also good for a kickstart, apparently.) And I'm looking into acupuncture if we can afford it.

Although I trust my baby and my body inherently to do what we need to do in our own time, unfortunately I now have a timeline imposed by concerned medical professionals. We won't get the buffer of an extra two weeks after our due date like most people (with regular sized babies) do. We have until Tuesday to go naturally, and after that the risks may just be too high. We've had multiple OBs examine the results of tests and ultrasounds, and all agree that the measurements aren't being thrown off by a long baby, or a bad marker, but that this kid is quite chubby in a very proportional way, and getting bigger every day, making him increasingly more difficult to deliver and also increasing the risk of complications for both him (shoulder and clavicle damage, suffocation, brain damage) and me (severe tearing, hemorrhage, and pelvic damage). Nothing to take lightly, but based nonetheless on a foggy world of estimates and averages and status quo procedures.

I'm hoping to still get to go into labor in this sunny season, and use our amazing doula and all her techniques and tricks, but I'm also looking at the bigger picture (thanks, Gail) in a balanced way, weighing the risks and the rewards with all the advice and research. And if it happens differently than I've hoped, at least it is going to happen by next weekend!

Hangin' In

Although I've been drinking my tea, walking a ton, stopped working, eating spicy stuff and generally trying to give the baby plenty of signs that it is a nice time to come out, there's been no progress since last week's doctor's visit. AND the doctors have reviewed all the measurements and still think he's pushing 9lbs at least. Which isn't really a problem in my mind, since my mom and Nat's mom and many other seemingly little people have brought big babies into the world. I guess the concern comes if he doesn't come by next week or if my labor stalls when it finally starts, then they'd probably be pushing for a c-section. And it scares me. I really want to go through labor...I want my baby's body and my body to enter that dance together, I want the benefits of the good hormones instead of synthetic drugs and the full progression of stages so that my body knows that it is finally doing the job it has been gearing up to do these last nine months. I want to be able to breastfeed successfully and not have to have to wait for post-surgery and for my body to catch up with the procedure. I want to be able to sit up and walk around without intense pain, and not take months to heal. Hopefully that's what will happen. But if I don't get what I really want, prone as I am, I want to be able to not feel horribly about it if it doesn't work out that way.
There is a fine and emotional line between thinking positively - focusing on the best possible outcome, and trying to be prepared enough to deal with something less desirable. I like to be prepared, but I also get anxious trying to be prepared for everything that could possibly happen. I've been pretty good at slowing down, enjoying the sun, and not worrying too much...except for a few key hours each day, when the hormones and the possibilities overwhelm me.

In the end it all comes down to getting the baby here healthy, and right now he's doing amazingly. I'll just work on turning the worry into something more productive.

B-day Surprises

Thanks all for your b-day wishes, I've taken the day off and it is so sunny and beautiful. I started the day with an early morning ultrasound. The belly was measuring big and tight at my doctor's appointment yesterday, so she wanted to get some measurements to make sure he was fitting down into my pelvis as well as he should. The estimated weight of the little guy, based on his head and bones, is 10 lbs 4 oz. Crazy! They say it could be off by 29 ounces, which means he's likely between 8.5 and 12, still pretty big if we have two weeks left. How the heck did I grow this big a baby between the morning sickness, heartburn, and lack of appetite? Imagine how big he'd be if I'd been able to pile it on! The irony is that everyone at work has been commenting on how small I seem for being this far along. Guess that's not the best indicator. It was a great present to see his little bod. He has chubby cheeks, pouty lips, and his momma's nose, from what we could make out in the haze. And huge feet. What I've been thinking was a knee moving back and forth under my ribs is actually a foot. Pretty amazing.

So wish me early labor, everybody - I'm a bit afraid of birthing a giant!

And two weeks...

Look, it is pregnant me again. How this blog has deteriorated.

As you can tell, I've been very into making sure there's a chronicle of my body's metamorphosis through these months. Here's an old pic from the beginning of November an done from yesterday...and my bones still hold me up. I've been feeling so puffy and gross that Nat treated me to an early b-day hip haircut and even some red highlights to make me feel young again ("gasp" from the purists who fear chemical overload, but I'm thinking all the organic greens will cancel out the dye). Now that I feel so well coiffed, I'm wondering if I should go whole hog and buy some makeup to pack into my hospital bag like all the magazines and books suggest. I picture all these women in labor checking their reflections in the birthing mirror and calling for mascara...